IPA

IPAThis post is about something very dear to me – beer. There are all types and qualities of beer but I have settled on ale as my favorite. The full bodied flavor balanced with malt and hops just has no equal. I prefer British style brown, red, and pale ales which have classically been considered bitter beers because of their use of hops. But these styles are not the kings of bitter.

India Pale Ales came into being in the 19th century. They were created as an export version of a pale ale meant to be shipped to, you guessed it, India. In order to preserve the beer on such a long journey the brewers had to use an excessive amount of hops which unfortunately made the beer overly bitter. But hey, if you wanted good beer and you were in India I guess you couldn’t complain about hoppiness. The problem is, at some point, people started drinking these export beers locally. A beer that admittedly tasted bad and was over-hopped started catching on. And thus the IPA was born.

East India Trading Company

Fast forward more than a hundred years. Americans are avidly brewing ales themselves. While there are many good American ales, many of them make heavy use of plentiful hops in the country and end up more closely resembling IPAs. I like bitter beers like Bass Pale Ale but the hoppiness and unbalanced bitterness of an IPA or your average American ale are not as palatable.

There are a lot of beer microbrews in California trying to do for beer what the region has already done for wine. You can imagine my opinion of all the local ales I have tasted since I moved to Los Angeles. And you can imagine my shock when I tried several American IPAs and found out they were a lot hoppier than normal American ales and even British IPAs. It is actually somewhat disgusting to try and drink an entire pint of one of these. I can’t think of a conceivable reason to over-preserve a good drink like this.

Man on the Moon

So that’s my rant. Ale good. Pale ale good. India pale ale bad. And Americans should stick to wine and booze.

Iron Man 2

Iron Man 2

Iron Man 2 is about as good as the first. Maybe better in some ways- the villain isn’t as cheesy and there are two of them, it has more and funnier jokes, we get War Machine, and it explores the political ramifications of an actual Iron Man suit existing. It also has many of the same faults- namely cookie cutter character development and surprisingly limited and impotent action scenes.

So while I completely hated the first movie why is it that I think the sequel is up to the standard of ‘ok’? Well, it all has to do with where both movies start to fall apart. The original had a solid and exciting opening but then abused the timeline and common logic so much that anything after the first 30 minutes ended up being complete garbage. The sequel has many story problems as well but at least it waits until the climax to start self destructing. Historically it is usually the ending of movies, when things need to be wrapped up, that bad writing rears its ugly head and takes a fat dump on the audience.

So on to some spoilers (and some nitpicking). In the sequel, the villain Whiplash is contracted to build competing Iron Man suits by Hammer, Tony Stark’s business rival. Instead of building suits he builds unmanned drones which gets Hammer understandably upset. Predictably, Whiplash takes control of the drones and the War Machine suit and attacks Iron Man. Scarlett Johansson, whoever she is supposed to be, busts into the computer lab and frees War Machine from the villain’s control leaving both good guys to defeat him. End of story.

But there are so many problems with this scenario that make it feel generic and toothless:

  1. Why does Whiplash create drones instead of military armored suits like he is contracted to do? He can take control of War Machine with someone inside it – certainly he could do the same with other soldiers and keep Hammer from getting upset with him for building the wrong thing. It would also make Iron Man’s job a lot more difficult if he had to fend off attacks from innocent people without killing them. The obvious reason for this change is so we could get a lot of CG explosions everywhere.
  2. When Scarlett Johansson breaks into the computer and reboots the War Machine suit, why not also disarm all of the drones? The obvious reason for this change is so we could get a lot of CG explosions everywhere.
  3. Seriously, 10 second warnings on bombs? How successful would the Taliban be if they used timers? After a year where The Hurt Locker won Best Picture, can’t the movie industry grow up already and realize that people don’t put bright red blinking lights with warning countdowns on bombs? It sort of defeats the purpose.

Once again, the writers are treating us like complete morons. How else can they allow such glaring oversights? It’s like they bought some B-Roll for the plot.

We got that B Roll

Believe me, I work in an entertainment studio. I know how these things work. When you don’t have a smart visionary spearheading the direction you end up with something very vanilla. This write by committee approach results in the very safe, paint by number storyline. And in generic plots like this one it is more important to have iconic moments than to make sense.

So the sequel is more interesting because of specific events and a longer period of plausibility. Watch it and have fun- just don’t dig into the script too deeply. Otherwise you might get so enraged that you feel compelled to start a blog just to bitch about it.

The Cove

I just watched this quality documentary about the hunting of dolphins in a Japanese town. The original Flipper trainer became an anti-dolphinarium activist and is trying his best to make sure dolphins have the same international protections as whales and don’t get hunted. A team of environmentalists gets high tech in a real life special ops mission that proves to be interesting viewing.

The Cove

The Good:

The Cove doesn’t use a lot of the cheap documentary tricks that usually make me hate the form of film. They don’t play horrible music and show people in unflattering slow motion clips if they want you to dislike them. Sure, it is a documentary, and sure, they are trying to push their beliefs on you. While they don’t go out of their way to show the Japanese side of the story I think they do a good job of not being overly unfair like most documentaries. And there does appear to some shadiness with the town of Taiji.

The Bad:

Sure, dolphins are cool and all and I don’t believe they should be killed but it is really hard to be too judgmental over what another country chooses for food. Yes, a lot of dolphins are dying and yes, there is a lot of blood in the water. I am sure there is a lot of blood at cow and pig slaughterhouses as well. If you look around the world you will find a lot that disgusts the average Westerner. Cats and dogs are eaten in China. Monkey brains are a delicacy in Indonesia and China. Horses are eaten in parts of Europe. And China. Actually, in case you didn’t know, Chinese people eat pretty much anything. So when it comes to whale and dolphin hunting it’s just really hard to hate on the Japanese unless you are a vegetarian and believe that no animals should be eaten at all.

All said and done, The Cove is a well made film with good pacing and direction. At only 90 minutes it is very easy to watch and you will no doubt learn at least a few interesting things from it. Check it out.

Punch Dub Days

There are very few reasons you are allowed to punch another man and not fear repercussions. It’s their birthday, they flinched, you see an old-school Volkswagen Beetle before they do. What you can not do, however, is punch someone because you see any Volkswagen at all. That, my friends, is grounds for a beatdown.

The new Volkswagen ad campaign is playing off the spirit of the old punch-buggy road game. Except the whole point was that VW Bugs were a dying breed and seeing one was a big deal, even several years ago. Is Volkswagen trying to tell us something about their future projections of success?

I don’t know why such a little thing makes me so upset but I can’t watch one of these commercials without hoping that one of the characters, upon being punched, loses it and starts flailing on the other screaming, “THAT’S NOT THE WAY YOU PLAY THE GAME!” Maybe it’s the way marketing campaigns insidiously try to become a part of pop culture. I just can’t wait for the Punch Dub Facebook game.

Pennies

PennyI have long told people that I don’t believe in pennies. Many might agree that, sure, these coins don’t serve a useful function in today’s world, but with me it is different. I literally do not believe in pennies. I liken it to a child finding out that Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy don’t actually exist- of course something so ridiculous isn’t true. Of course a fat stranger doesn’t climb down my chimney and give me gifts. Of course there are no such creatures as teeth hoarding sprites. Of course millions of people don’t go around keeping clunky metal in their pockets, taking time out of their days to obsessively count over them and worry about fractions of transactions.

If you open your hands for change and get back a bunch of pennies you may as well have just been given a fistful of rocks. You can put them down, throw them on the floor, collect them in a pile – you can do all manner of things with them except spend them on anything. Ironically, the only reason to have any pennies on you at all is so you can make exact change to avoid getting more pennies. Why bother with the overhead of managing them when the return is so low?

This is a great question. And why doesn’t the government answer it despite the fact that pennies have cost more to create than they are worth for several years already? Sure, Sony sold PS3s at a loss for a few years but their end goals were to also sell a bunch of games and to wait until the technology was cheap enough that they could make a profit on the hardware. Instead of sound financial foresight, we are paying people to design a myriad of commemorative pennies and mint them, all for a net loss. Yes my friends, it looks like the penny is sticking around for a while longer, and I am sure you can imagine my views on change in general.

Any change I do get I just drop in a pile in my car. The only reason I dig through that is to get quarters (unless I pick up a fucking nickel by accident). The rest of it gets cleaned up once in a while into a jar in my house. What do I intend to do with that? Maybe one day I can cash it in and see years of dedication translated into twenty dollars.

Nickel

Nickels are annoying because they are so big almost to the point of tricking you into thinking they are quarters. It is not much of a surprise that these hefty coins have more worth in metal than in monetary currency. Nickels should be close to the chopping block as well but simply making them the little guy would be enough to appease me. I am thinking some sort of smaller sized penny-nickel hybrid.

Dime

It is hard to get mad about dimes. Besides being worth an imaginable fraction of a dollar they seem to realize their place in the currency hierarchy. They aren’t worth much and they know it and they are small and unassuming for it. I don’t generally use dimes but it isn’t beyond the realm of possibility, and aside from getting 5 at a time instead of a couple quarters I think they are generally a helpful unit of currency when dealing with change.

Quarter

Even the mighty quarter has the hang up of still being change. It’s not that I care about their value as much as their practicality though. I need to do laundry every week and that is more than enough to justify their existence, but loads upon loads of machines across the country accept these as their only form of payment. Once these machines start taking bills or credit then I may form a different opinion, but there is still more fun to be had with quarters. You can play drinking games with them. You can flip them to determine the outcome of binary situations. You can play table basketball. You can pull them out of children’s ears. Really, have you ever tried to do any of these things with other coins? The results can be disastrous.

Dollar Coin

What a joke these are. It’s bad enough that the kids at Taco Bell think you are trying to screw them by slipping them Canadian currency, but who thought that Americans should have to lug around more change? Are we all just supposed to carry little sacks around everywhere we go? How many strippers need to be knocked out before we discontinue these abominations? And please don’t tell us that we are actually expected to start using 5 dollar bills to snort cocaine. The one dollar bill is a mainstay – don’t mess with a good thing.

Change

But back to pennies. In the store today I got change of $2.15. I put the two dollars in my wallet and was disappointed to see I got 5 pennies instead of a nickel. This is the worst way to receive pennies because you have 5 times as many coins that are 5 times as useless, and you didn’t even really want the nickel to begin with. I put the change on the counter and walk away and an old lady behind me kindly informs me that I forgot my fifteen cents. I told her I left it there for other people to use. Hopefully that change can save somebody else from getting pennies. Then I went to the grocery store and got $3.04 back in change. I put the dollars in my pocket as the 4 cents came out of one of those change machines. I was again warned that I was leaving pennies behind. This is a regular habit of mine and I was surprised that I got called on it twice in the same outing.

I wonder what these people think of me. Am I ignorant of the value of money? Am I an asshole for snubbing my nose at society’s conventions? I had long thought that others had come to share my disbelief of pennies. Maybe it is a childlike case of me closing my eyes and hoping they would go away but I prefer to think of everyone else as the children, finding magic in the simplest of things. And who am I to tell them that what they believe doesn’t exist? I’ll leave that for their mothers.

Batman: Arkham Asylum

Batman:Arkham AsylumTruly, this is the most refreshing game of 2009. All the Game of the Year awards are well deserved. If you have a chance, play through the first 10 minutes of the game and see if you aren’t hooked. Batman feels tough as you walk into the famed Arkham Asylum but it is immediately apparent that he is in a dangerous place surrounded by dangerous criminals. And the prisoners are the true stars of the game- you will come across quite a few classic villains and you will want more.

The Joker

The recent Batman films were amazing. It makes sense for a AAA video game to take advantage of that success with a tie-in but Batman: Arkham Asylum has nothing to do with the movies. This is gaming asserting itself as its own medium. This is a strongly themed Batman game with its own flavor. It would be easy to lean on elements prevalent in the latest films but this game is showcasing its own version of the Batman universe.

Arkham

Developer Rocksteady did an amazing job with very traditional Intellectual Property. They could have just spit out another superhero game and nobody would have blamed them but they wanted to create a cohesive experience that shows great respect for the source material. This isn’t just a generic Batman game- it is a well-conceived struggle within a defined world. Arkham Asylum is the backdrop to the entire story and it is with this incredible strength that the game derives so much of its character. Themes of danger and lunacy loom as Batman tries to contain the chaos on the island. And of all the places to be, he is surrounded by many of his worst enemies, in the prison he confined them to.

From the beginning you will immediately notice the cinema scenes are treating us to classic Batman. While the in-game movies are rare, they are cool when they happen. Getting to see the Batmobile and the Batwing are nice rewards but the cinematic nature of Arkham Asylum doesn’t stop there. The voice-acting is excellent and much of the talent from the popular cartoons was retained. Seeing some of the villains up close is reminiscent of modern films. The Joker is a cruel, deranged psychopath. Croc is a terrifying monster. Scarecrow pulls some neat tricks on you before you really know what you are dealing with.

Combat

The gameplay doesn’t borrow from the popular titles of the day. Instead, Arkham Asylum was thought out and designed from the ground up. The combat is fluid and satisfying. The stealth combat is interesting with a nice design mechanic to punish the player for failure without immediate death. The core mechanics of Batman were well designed and supported various secondary features that could be used repeatedly throughout the story. Sure, there were a couple of gameplay segments that were a bit less polished or otherwise not perfect but it never brought the whole thing crumbling down. The development team fearlessly gave us a wide variety of play mechanics- I was pleasantly surprised enough that it was hard to notice if a couple didn’t cut it.

All the bios, interview recordings, upgrades, and extras keep the game from being overly linear. It is rare for me to be motivated by finding collectables in games. In fact, I usually hate on them for being useless (I’m talking to you, Mirror’s Edge). Batman has a few different collectable types that range from finding hidden objects to solving slightly more obscure riddles hiding in plain sight. Players find themselves rewarded with experience, health, background info, challenge modes, and other goodies. There are even a couple of additional subplots that you can take to the end. I have to admit, even after I beat Arkham Asylum, I went back and finished finding all the riddles.

Game of the Year

I need to give major props to the Rocksteady team. Time and again I will gripe about a good game not living up to its potential. This is one case where I can not do that. As a game developer myself I am just so impressed with the complete package of Arkham Asylum. Anyone who does not give this game a chance is doing themselves a disservice. Being recognized as Game of the Year is great but I believe Arkham Asylum surpasses even that honor. In many ways it represents the pinnacle of our young industry and I am excited at the thought of the positive influence it will have on many teams going forward.

The Olympics

OlympicsI’m not going to pile on with another discussion on why the Winter Olympics is not as good as its summer counterpart. I also won’t get into the evils of short, unbalanced elimination brackets. (So the US and Canada both lose only 1 game, each to the other, but Canada gets the gold? Sounds like tie-breaker territory to me.) And I’m surprisingly not going to say the Olympics are lame because I hold a lot of respect for the athletes and national pride involved. But I would like to take a step back and talk about the problems with the games today.

The Olympics should not include team sports.

The Olympics are not as originally intended. This is partially a good thing since I am not clamoring for naked oiled men to compete in contact sports. But I believe the spirit of the events was to showcase feats of strength and skill and to show what humans were capable of. Small, short contests between individuals is what I want to see. Team sports in large scale playoffs that encompass the duration of the entire Olympic Games just to be rewarded with a single medal at the end are clearly not the intent. Not only do the large teams not train together for extended periods of time but having a hodge podge group of athletes takes away from the simplicity and gladiator-centric wonder of the original events.

The events should be streamlined.

On one hand you have baseball teams that play many games to get a single medal (or you don’t anymore since the sport is no longer included)- but the flipside to this problem is that a swimmer can pick up 20 medals in the same span of time. Sure, you need races of different lengths, but at some point you need to realize that nobody needs to see 50m, 100m, 200m, and 400m versions of the same thing.

Every contest should be simple.

Remember, the point is to see humans perform feats of strength. It is not inspiring to see a team of curlers defeat their opponents 6-3. The ‘sport’ is too specific- its ruleset is not immediately understood. Being a good sprinter or swimmer has broad applications and appeal but being an expert curler is pretty much useless. Once more than one person and one prop is involved, the event becomes a contest of arbitrary game mechanics.

Judged events have no place in the Olympics.

This is perhaps my biggest gripe of all. Contests only hold weight when there is a clear winner. Who is the fastest? Who is the strongest? Somebody jumping off a diving board and pulling a flip exactly how the judges desire does not belong here. Figure Skating Dancing is not an event that countries need to bother competing in. With so many athletes sacrificing a large portion of their young lives for competition, it doesn’t seem right to allow subjectivity to enter the equation.

The Quantic Dream School of Narrative

Quantic DreamQuantic Dream is a fascinating video game developer based in Paris, France- a peculiarity which no doubt contributes to their individual style. They are equipped with a certain brash determination to make games according to their ideals. This vision entails an obsession with having players experience the normalcy and relationships of life in addition to the action-packed adventures of Hollywood. Character design needs to be well executed and soundtracks must be top notch. In essence, Quantic Dream strives to create the equivalent experience of a feature film in a game. While their ambitiousness inevitably leads them to many failures, it is easy to respect what they have accomplished. Since Quantic Dream’s latest title was released today I thought it would be a good idea to recap their history.

Omikron: The Nomad Soul

Their first game back in 1999 was Omikron: The Nomad Soul. It was about the player transporting his soul into a police officer in another world to help hunt for a serial killer. The player discovers that a demon in human guise is committing the murders and then the story starts to run away from itself with an age old battle for power, secret societies, and ancient magical artifacts. The gameplay was a bit schizophrenic as well. This was mostly a 3rd person adventure game but there were skill areas that switched to a 1st person shooter. Some sections had you fighting hand to hand combat in a forced side view where you had to pull off streetfighter style combos.

The gimmicky hook was that you were a nomad soul and if your host body died you would transfer into someone else. Ultimately, Quantic Dream didn’t have the resources to flesh out any of the characters besides the first. But at that beginning, the large city felt alive and the characters had depth. There was a distinct psychological draw to moving about the Blade Runner-esque world, finding your apartment, and relaxing and spending time with your wife.

David Bowie

David Bowie made the music for this game and played a couple of the characters. One was a cheesy virtual being who lived in “the net” but the other was much less vital yet more appealing. He played the lead singer of a band and you could watch a full performance of one of his songs in game.

Most of the criticism came from the game’s more disparate elements yet Quantic Dream created an atmosphere and temper that left many fully engaged. An intriguing first effort.

After some struggles and a full 8 years later, Indigo Prophecy was their second game release. Also titled Farenheit everywhere except in the United States, this video game was billed as an interactive film. This is an artsy way of saying it has a lot of quicktime events. The dreaded QTE, or Dragon’s Lair gameplay, has long been derided in the industry.

Indigo Prophecy

Instead of taking place in a futuristic dimension, Indigo Prophecy was set in the present and looked to have a more grounded story. Like a modern thriller, the plot begins with the hero having just violently stabbed a man to death in the bathroom of a small diner and recovering from a trance. Similar to Omikron, there has been a string of ritualistic murders. The player then has options on how to react to this situation with some exploring and dialog. Having ditched the unsuccessful genre-merging of Omikron, Indigo Prophecy resolves to remain more focused. That is not to say that there aren’t small sections of the game that break you out of the normal interactions, but for the most part the gameplay is acceptable. Specifically, the first act of the game is great.

My biggest complaint with Indigo Prophecy is the storyline. How can such a compelling introduction languish into disappointing pulp? Well, let’s look at synopsis excerpts from wikipedia.

The overall plot follows Lucas as he attempts to uncover the reason behind the murders. He initially attempts to move past the experience, talking his way of a visit from the NYPD, but Lucas begins to experience hallucinations, primarily involving arthropods, which eventually attack him, forcing him to flee from his banking job. The Oracle, a Mayan sorcerer, attempts to kill Lucas more directly by placing him in pseudo-reality inside his apartment, which Lucas manages to escape.

The arthropod hallucinations are weird but suddenly being assaulted by a Mayan sorcerer is just as jarring in the game as it is to read here. But this is only the beginning.

Lucas contacts a spiritual medium, who places him in a trance to recall the events in the diner, which initially terrify the woman. Lucas returns to his apartment to find it surrounded by police. During this time, Lucas demonstrates superhuman strength, reflexes, and agility, dodging bullets fired by police and leaping 30 feet into the air onto a moving subway train. Lucas’ ex-girlfriend is eventually kidnapped by the Oracle to draw out Lucas, and in an attempt to save her from a fall, Lucas is killed. He returns to life later in the game through the Chroma present in him, though this is never explored.

Not only is it not explored but this story continually fabricates inanity as regularly as you or I would use an exclamation mark. It doesn’t happen all the time but when it does it throws you for a loop. The twisted layers grow exponentially near the ending of the game, as if the writers were struggling in quicksand and grasping at ideas to save themselves.

Detective Valenti and Lucas eventually learn the location of Jade, the Indigo Child, who possesses a secret that will give great power to whomever hears it. During this time, a third faction, the Purple Clan, composed of an anthropomorphic artificial intelligence (AI), also steps forward to assert a claim on the child. Lucas, the Oracle, and the AI converge on the military base where Lucas grew up and was exposed to the Chroma.

After defeating the Oracle, you basically fight this giant electric AI monster for seemingly no reason and then the game ends. This really is one convoluted plot- and I cut the part out about the Invisibles. The obvious kicker that you may have figured out by now is that the story isn’t well executed. Not only that, we see recurring Quantic Dream themes of playing multiple characters, secret societies (the Oracle’s Orange Clan), electronic beings (the Purple Clan), and an age old struggle. For a game that started out as a police thriller, I was dumbstruck.

Mundane

Still, the core appeal remains. This is a game that starts out tethered to the lives of several characters. Their homes, their jobs- their world- is what draws us in. If only we could see a treatment of these elements that wraps up as nicely as first presented.

Today Quantic Dream’s latest game, Heavy Rain, was released. Oddly enough another serial killer incites us into action to uncover deeper mysteries. The question is, are these mysteries compelling? Or are they, once again, simply batshit crazy?

Moisture Beads

The benefits of moisture can be found in all manner of products these days. I use liquid soap because I live in a desert and don’t want to over dry my skin. Still, it is hard for me to accept the fact that the label says my soap contains moisture beads in it.

Moisture beads? In my liquid soap? You know what part of my soap is more moist than beads? Liquid.

Whatever sells bottles I guess.