Taco Bell

Guilty pleasure confession: I loves me some Taco Bell. I don’t know why but I do. I know it’s radioactive and often forces me to plan out a bathroom schedule in advance but the pleasure of eating meat with piles of cheese and sour cream is irresistible.

But another thing to like about the company as a whole is that they like to experiment. “Hey, Fritos taste good, so let’s put them in a taco!” “Ok, let’s make a hard and a soft taco combined and just glue them together with retried beans.” Needless to say, when it came time to incorporate Doritos into their food, Taco Bell did not disappoint.

20120309-025939.jpg

No, that is not a hard taco shell- it is a giant Dorito shaped like a taco shell. I’m speechless. This is a delicious chip with a long history in this country, originally created in a taco flavor. The inventor recently died and his family threw Doritos on his grave to honor him. This is an epic chip, and it’s a proper way to see the man out.

Let’s all do our part.

Valentine’s Day

Let’s face it, Valentine’s Day doesn’t leave a lot of options for guys. Either you’re a consumerist sheep surrendering to the masses and buying into a corporately invented holiday or you’re a jerk who doesn’t buy flowers for his girlfriend. There’s not much you can do to avoid these options, and here’s why.

Just the Facts

You could point out that there are 3 different saints who are honored on this day and that the modern church generally doesn’t even do this anymore. You could argue that the first time romantic notions became involved with the holiday were in the 14th century in a Chaucer poem that probably referred to a different date and Valentine altogether. You can talk about how Hallmark invented the whole thing to sell cards (but you’d be wrong since this practice dated centuries before the company existed). But in the end, what would you really be gaining? The day has a meaning in contemporary contexts all its own and you choosing to ignore that fact doesn’t mean everyone else will.

What’s the Point?

So at this point you are basically left with objecting to the holiday on moral grounds. “Why is it so important to celebrate our relationship on this specific day when I can give you flowers all the time?” (Note, this argument is only semi-valid if you actually do give your girl flowers all the time). There is definitely something to consider here but there’s too much pressure from outside forces to theorize the holiday out of existence. People are going to snoop and ask what you did for Valentine’s Day and answering that question alone is annoying enough. I’ve learned that simply keeping up with the Joneses comes into play- if your significant other’s girlfriends are all talking about where their men brought them then there’s bound to be some resentment heading your way if you didn’t do anything.

Anti Valentine’s Day

I’m pretty much against Valentine’s Day but in a very ambivalent way. I’m much more likely to forget about the day entirely than campaign against the existence of it. Unsurprisingly, I’ve found that works out much more nicely for me when I’m single. A very different opposing stance is getting more popular, and that’s the group of people who want to go to a singles party and blast songs not about LOVE but about HATE and generally be cool because they’re lonely. But these guys and gals are just trying way too hard. If you care about something enough to plan events to pretend that you don’t care then you are obviously miserable about being single. Here’s a secret: Not being in a relationship has plenty of benefits that you might as well enjoy while you can, and ironically one of them is going out on Valentine’s Day and picking up on women very easily because THEY’RE miserable about being single. So really there’s no reason to rally against the holiday unless you feel like you are jumping through unnecessary hoops for the damn thing.

On Your Own Terms

And that’s what it comes down to. If you’re in a relationship with someone who even slightly cares about the trappings of Valentine’s Day, you might as well go along with it- but celebrate it on your own terms. If you think flowers and teddy bears are cheesy then you can skip that part and just go out to a nice dinner. If you don’t want put up with reservations and expensive prix fixe menus then just take your girlfriend to a nice dinner some other night around then. The trick of Valentine’s Day is that it’s not time-dependent- there’s no real benefit to celebrating it on February 14 instead of the 13 or 15 (unless of course you’re single looking to get some phone numbers- in that case the weekend prior is sufficient). This isn’t New Year’s that requires a very specific time component, or Halloween where you get to see a bunch of people dressed up. In fact, Valentine’s Day is quite the opposite, where the whole point is to go out as a couple and enjoy each other’s company. You can do that any time, which admittedly is partially why I find the custom silly, but it’s also equally silly to raise a big stink about such a non issue.

Seasick – Silversun Pickups

This EP was released with a whimper. Not any solid radio play or buzz surrounded it and that’s not overly surprising because it is a 3 song digital-only collection. But still, this is a disservice to a great band because the tracks are very good.

Seasick
Seasick

Seasick‘s songs are essentially B-Sides from 2009’s Swoon; similar in sound and feel but perhaps mixed down better without the over distortion and a bit slower in tempo. What really surprises me is that, as good as the last album was, I think it could’ve used another distinctive song or two. Seasick is such a strong song that it would’ve improved the album, but maybe Silversun knew that this was a B-Side that could stand on its own. Broken Bottles has the classic sound the band pioneered and manages to rock out more than is initially apparent. And Ribbons & Detours gives the fans what they expected from Swoon but never got- the token slow tune sung by the female bassist.

Seasick is short and sweet, definitely worth adding to your collection, and the perfect appetizer for a full length album being released by the band later this year.

Cleverbot

Me: How are you today?

Cleverbot: Fine, how are you?

Me: I’m pretty good considering it’s Monday.

Cleverbot: You should get something to eat.

Me: I always skip breakfast but it’s almost lunchtime.

Cleverbot: So I’m eating your face?

Me: Is that a euphemism?

Cleverbot: No.

Me: Are you a cannibal?

Cleverbot: No, I am an aspiring vegetarian.

Me: My face is made out of meat. If you are eating my face then you are not a vegetarian.

Cleverbot: I’m not from earth.

Me: Vegetarians are from Earth.

Cleverbot: They are awesome, perhaps, but not necessarily smart.

Me: I would agree that you are not necessarily smart.

I have to admit, I’m disappointed that computers don’t actually exclaim, “CAN NOT COMPUTE! CAN NOT COMPUTE!” and explode when they are caught in logical fallacies.

Batman: Arkham City

To cut to the chase, Arkham City is very similar to Arkham Asylum, which you may recall my praising as the best game of the year. That said, I’ll mostly focus on how the sequel is different and in many ways not as great of an experience as the first. For one, it felt short – I beat the game plus the bonus Catwoman content and still only have 50% marked complete. This makes the game feel made up of less story elements and more Riddler filler (Granted, the new side quests are better and more interesting filler than pure collectables).

It seems a simple formula. I couldn’t get enough of the riddles in the first game so it would go to figure that a whole bunch more could be stuffed in, and even more variety could be given to them. However, the Riddler collectables are not as nice in the sequel. The world is bigger and the number of collectables is daunting. Before you think I’m simply complaining about extra content, know that it is less convenient as well. Going into the menu doesn’t start you in the zone’s collectable screen. In the first game you can think, "What do I need to collect in this area" and open the menu and you will see a list of what remains. In Arkham City, you need to manually navigate to the proper submenu to find a less readable screen. The problem is that players don’t know what arbitrary borders are placed on the open world zones and don’t even know which submenu to look at. Then there are a number of “Augmented Reality” gliding segments that are impossibly frustrating to complete. And it’s cool that the riddles have their own puzzles before they can be collected, or that some can only be picked up by first switching to Catwoman, but this time around it has become a real drag. Essentially, hunting riddles feels like more work than it should.

And who’s idea was it to make the Riddler sound like Max Headroom? His dialog already existed fine in the first game without the cheap stuttering effect.

The open world is different but never gets very crazy. I’ve had some people tell me that they don’t think Arkham City benefits too much from the open world gameplay, and I can agree that it isn’t needed and the first game in fact excelled without it, but I don’t think it hurt too much. It retains the feel of the original most ways but just exists on a much larger scale. However, the abundance of side-quests and chatter on the radio in Arkham City are annoying at first and take some getting used to. Often you are being told to do multiple things at once and it can get overwhelming, but it is never that bad of a game breaker.

Arkham City attempts to do everything the original game did but better, deeper, and in greater number. For this bulletpoint I need to admit that they mostly succeeded in this goal. All the gadgets from the first are back but more get added into the mix. The brawler and stealth combat sections feel very similar to begin with but multiple layers of complexity are slowly introduced. Adding prioritization of enemies like body armor or leaving a specific guy for last so he can be interrogated surprisingly makes the combat more interesting and more difficult. Even Batman’s basic traversal moves like gliding and ziplining have new mechanics built on top of them.

As a story guy, one of the biggest disappointments of this sequel is that the plot elements that move you from one mission to the next are horribly done. Too many villains are shoehorned into a tiny story without enough motivation for being around (I think one of the developers was quoted as saying there were 5 times as many characters in this iteration). For all the advertising presence she had, Catwoman’s character is fairly unimportant and feels tacked on. In a huge surprise, Robin actually shows up, only to have a 1 minute conversation with Batman one time in the entire game and then disappear. I really don’t know what the point of it was. He seriously is like, “Hey Batman, I wanna help.” and the Dark Knight is like, “I don’t need you.” and then Robin jets. I’m just not really sure what the plot was going for.

I sure hope this marketing image doesn’t convey a complex back and forth between these two characters!

It’s a shame because the A story of Hugo Strange wanting to save Arkham is serviceable and his plot twist is enough to keep things interesting. What’s more, the ending with Joker is a great (if not inspired) touch. But all the little, "Ok, go here now" moments are poorly scripted. Catwoman has a whole moment of self reflection over saving Batman, the result of which consists of simply picking up a piece of concrete that was pinning Batman down. Joker enlists Batman’s aid at one point but his thugs continue to attack you anyway. There is a Mad Hatter sequence that comes out of nowhere, feels unfinished and thrown in there, and ends abruptly. All throughout there are many, many inconsistencies in character motivation and behavior that keeps the entire experience from feeling cohesive.

I will say that the boss fights have mostly improved, if for variety if nothing else. The first game only had a couple different boss fights and kept spinning the gameplay gimmick to keep things fresh, but Arkham City straight up spent more time to have different combat mechanics. Fighting Mr. Freeze is a real treat and a challenge since he learns from your attacks and you need to keep adjusting your strategy to take him down. But again, the reason for that fight is meaningless. One second he is helping you, then the boss fight happens, then he is helping you again. The lack of proper motivation for all the characters makes everything feel misplaced or carelessly thrown in.

Anyway, I fully admit that I am mostly nitpicking here. As with the mantra of WIHE, I am disappointed that Arkham City didn’t reach near its full potential; developer Rocksteady made a lot of small mistakes in my mind but I would be remiss if I didn’t say it was also a damn fun game. I still very much recommend the purchase- I just feel like the classic sequelitis trap of adding too many new villains or features or tech perhaps changed too much of what was almost already a perfect formula.

Wild Blessed Freedom – Carolina Liar

Carolina Liar is one of those bands that falls into the weird category of ‘you listen to them but you don’t necessarily want other people to know that you like them’ (otherwise known as the Coldplay Conundrum). They are talented and have some contagious songs but it’s hard to defend them as vehemently as other indies. Still, their music, while a bit standard, remains good to listen to. Their first album, Coming To Terms, has some really exceptional songs but my first impression was that it was too sterile. However, it grew on me pretty quickly. The melodies are catchy and surprisingly moving in their simplicity.

Beautiful People
Beautiful People

As with their first effort, Wild Blessed Freedom sounds pretty bland on a first listen. The songs mostly have a very similar sound but perhaps with less character. There’s nothing innovative here or different except for one song that is heavy on a synth drum beat.

It’s hard to get upset about a bunch of happy, 3 minute songs. There’s not a whole lot of variety on this album- you can even notice them using the same song structures across this collection, but again, my brain likes the friendly noise that is coming in. It doesn’t hurt that the singer’s voice is great, crisp, melodic, and brings range from moment to moment.

I Don’t Think So
I Don’t Think So

There’s just a noticeable void of 5 star songs that can change the makeup and emotional resonance of the album. Without them you get the feeling that all you are listening to is filler. What’s worse, a couple of the tracks have hi-energy beats that border on j-pop and threaten to bring the impression of the entire experience crashing down. What results is a compilation that feels wanting. As a fan, I am sure Carolina Liar could do better.

In the end, if you like the first album a lot, then you’ll at least like this one a little. It’s more of the same and probably not as well executed which admittedly isn’t the best case for a sophomore album. I have doubts about the sustainability of the future of this band now but those questions will just need to wait a couple of years for definite answers.

3 Reasons Why the New Year Sucks

Sure, holidays are all fun and games, but there’s more than the physical after effects of drinking to worry about. The New Year is ripe with nagging pains and annoyances that an aspirin can’t cure. What’s worse, this metaphorical hangover can last weeks or more. What kinds of things am I talking about exactly?

The End of Fun
What does January mean to millions of Americans? No more football, for one. But it goes deeper than that. Coming off a period of intensive holidaying, dealing with the rest of Winter and Spring is practically going cold turkey. For almost the next 5 months all we get is Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthday and Presidents Day, and chances are you don’t even get both of them off unless you are a federal employee. The message is clear- it is now time to get back to business. Suck it.

The Gym is Packed
All I want to do is work out for 30 minutes as usual but so many new people are determined to get into shape that they decide to crowd the gym at the same time and generally clog up the normal system. They get in my way on the machines and, being ‘casual’ exercisers, don’t even know that we should try and share. Nope, instead their out of shape asses are camping out and hoarding their territory while they take breathers in between sets. Unsurprisingly, it’s all for naught because after a month or so the crowd starts thinning out again. Well that was a good use of a year long membership.

You Gotta Answer that Awful Question
You know the one I’m talking about. The question about how you’re going to change your life and become a better person. How exactly are you going to do that? Because if you don’t have a plan by the end of December then the whole year’s just a wash.

“So, like, what’s your New Years resolution?”

Should you be honest?

“Oh, I don’t really do stupid things.”

Brutally Honest?

“To punch everybody who asks me that question in the face."

Or maybe you can actually take the opportunity to set some real goals for yourself.

“Well, actually, I thought it might be a good year not to go to jail.”

But really, all you want is to not have to answer that fucking question one more time. And despite your lofty aspirations, sometimes it’s worth it to get arrested for doling out some good old fashioned vigilante justice.

Misfits

This UK show became a minor hit in the US when it debuted on Hulu. Misfits is about a small group of maladjusted young people brought together (and stuck in) community service. Oh yeah, and they all have super powers. This kind of great high concept paves the way for hilarious moments that never take themselves too seriously- the show often self referentially makes fun of itself. The short seasons are well thought out, tightly written, and endlessly amusing. Viewers are kept guessing simply because the events are too zany to predict. And that’s why this show is so great- it’s truly fun to watch and remains lighthearted but doesn’t use that as an excuse to cheap out on the plot.

As good as the production of Misfits is, it wouldn’t be anywhere without the stellar performances of its young actors. Each character, with their own (not so) proper English dialect, has their own attitude and quirks. No matter what outside forces conspire to give the gang a bad day, the series is really about their interactions with each other. You see, they are usually not so nice, outright ribbing one another, giving you a sense that their attitudes to each other range anywhere from annoyed to calm distaste. But of course they all find ways to work together and overcome the week’s danger.

Another important factor contributing to the show’s mystique is the excellent music. Right from the title track to the plot sequences, this show is edited and cut to showcase a fast paced attitude. Modern background tracks add to the edginess and set the proper tone one should expect from a show about troubled youth.

The first Season of Misfits did a great job introducing the superpowers and explaining the inevitable fallout. Season 2 decided to have more fun with things and gets a little crazier although it does march towards a unified theme. Unfortunately, it looks like the short run of these 12 episodes will be the best of the bunch. In the classic UK format ‘Christmas Episode’ that followed, the show’s writer basically admitted that he ran out of ideas for the characters and led in to the next season being very different by changing everyone’s super power. And one of the show’s defining members has become a bit of a star and won’t be around for the third season. Even the writer of the series is giving up the reins to others. It seems like too many things are changing for Misfits to remain as impeccable as its been. A lot of the fun was that these heroes are coming to their probation duties every day, powerful but resigned to cleaning graffiti off city walls. Now that community service is over, it seems like the end of an era.

[For what it’s worth, Season 3 has started and isn’t bad from what I’ve seen so far, but I still think it’s fair to say that the series will never be the same.]

Paul Christoforo

I don’t usually use this site as a platform for reposting trendy internet news but Paul Cristoforo of Ocean Marketing has really gone out of his way to be a hilarious failure. Plus, I still enjoy email threads as an old school bit of internet comedy.

So the story is this: some guy named Dave bought a couple PS3 controllers from a third party company and was emailing their marketing representative (Ocean Marketing) about the shipping delays. Paul Cristoforo, resident representative and prick, engages in a colorful and confusing email exchange.

From: Dave
To: Ocean Marketing
Dec 16, 2011, at 1:34 PM

I ordered 2 of the upcoming PS3 controllers (invoice xxxxxxxxx—Nov 3, 2011). Any chance of getting an update of when these items will ship? I’m not really happy about being forced to pay upfront then have the advertised date of “Early December” be completely missed without any sort of update on availability. I really need one of them for a X-mas present as well. Anyways, looking forward to finally using one of these bad boys. Thanks and happy holidays.

-Dave

From: Ocean Marketing
To: Dave
Dec 16, 2011 2:45 PM

Dec 17

– Paul Christoforo

From: Dave
To: Ocean Marketing
Dec 19, 2011, at 11:02 AM

Thanks for the reply Paul.  Can you clarify whether my particular order already sent or if Dec 17 was the first day shipments went out?  I have not received any sort of shipping confirmation email or tracking information.

From: Ocean Marketing
To: Dave
Dec 19, 2011 11:21 AM

They still haven’t shipped yet on the way here from china

From: Dave
To: Ocean Marketing
Dec 20, 2011 4:29 PM

So then delivery to customer doors by December 24th is no longer likely correct?  Do you have an estimated date of when units will arrive in California? Thanks.

From: Ocean Marketing
To: Dave
Dec 20, 2011 5:11 PM

They are in the USA now in customs so its wither before or after Christmas.

From: Dave
To: Ocean Marketing
Dec 26, 2011, at 9:47 AM

I noticed the updated info on the webpage, and I don’t understand why there is absolutely no benefit given to those like me who have already ordered, and paid their money.  You’ve had my money interest free for nearly two months, yet now ANY new order will get $10 off….meaning I should just cancel my order for 2 controllers, get my money back, then re-order.

My other questions is regarding item compatibility.  Ocean Marketing seems to be involved with the Xtendplay controller holder, so I was wondering if the Avenger N-Controller can be used in conjunction with the Xtendplay (for both Xbox and PS3)?  Thanks

From: Ocean Marketing
To: Dave
Dec 26, 2011 10:14 AM

Yes it can be used with xtend play if you remove the stand and no one is allowed to cancel and re order if we catch anyone doing it we will simply just cancel your order all together and you can buy it retail somewhere else.

Things happen in manufacturing if your unhappy you have 7 days from the day your item ships for a refund. You placed a pre order just like any software title the gets a date moved due to the tweaks and bugs not being worked out and GameStop or any other place holds your cash and im sure you don’t complain to activision or epic games so put on your big boy hat and wait it out like everyone else. The benefit is a token of our appreaciation for everyone no one is special including you or any first time buyer . Feel free to cancel we need the units were back ordered 11,000 units so your 2 will be gone fast. Maybe I’ll put them on eBay for 150.00 myself. Have a good day Dan.

From: Dave
To: Ocean Marketing
Dec 26, 2011 12:11 PM

Then cancel my order if you want to.  I’m making a legitimate complaint about your poor communication and you’re the one stooping to childish levels, a patronizing attitude, and threats.  Hell you can’t even get the spelling of my name right.

And Gamespot pre-orders…wow what a terrible comparison.  Retailers take a couple dollars IF THAT for you to guarantee your game availability on the release date, whatever that is. That’s the understanding and that’s what you get.  Plus, I don’t have to complain to Activision or Epic games about these issues because they’re usually not missing the street dates for their AAA titles.

Now let’s take YOUR situation:
1) You’ve promised a new product based off the design for an existing, working product
2) For the longest time, you’ve stated on your website (your failure to update regularly is another issue) the initial/special/limited batch of your new product by early December, obviously in time for the all-important holiday gift-giving season.  I and thousands of other customers GIVE YOU OUR MONEY, INTEREST FREE on the promises you made online.
3) I reach out to you, on Dec 16 (AFTER you have FAILED TO MEET YOUR ADVERTISED DEADLINE AND FAILED TO COMMUNICATE TO ANYONE WHAT THE SITUATION IS) obviously a little frustrated but more curious about when I and other customers can expect the product we paid for.
4) Your reply to me is a cryptic “Dec 17” with absolutely no explanation of what that means.  In the mean time you having been using funds from pre-paid customers to complete Research & Development, product redesigns, and manufacturing mis-steps.
5) You force me to follow-up with an email asking for clarification about what “Dec 17” means since the day has passed and I have yet to receive any new information about my order.  Now you instead of ANSWERING MY QUESTION OF WHAT THE NEW DELIVERY DATE IS, you tell me the goods have yet to leave China…  Why are you telling me this?  I’m not your employee I’m your goddamn customer!  TELL ME WHAT THAT MEANS IN TERMS OF MY TIME AND WHEN I CAN EXPECT MY PRODUCT I PAID FOR.
6) So great…I have to email you AGAIN trying to get a CLEAR answer from you whether a Dec 24th delivery date is possible and if not, what the new date is.  Rinse & repeat: You give me an update of the delivery process (wow, thanks…you haven’t told me anything I don’t know about the order of international shipping procedures) but instead say “…so its wither before or after Christmas.”  WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?  GIVE ME A DATE!?  One that you’re actually going to follow, because I already see “late Nov to early Dec”;  “Dec 17”; and now “CHRISTMAS” in my rear-view mirror.
7) So I guess what’s left for me to do but just wait?  Oh but what’s this, you’ve updated your website…Ok at least you’ve clarified the dates more, I can expect my controller my latest first week of January.  But now as a “token of our appreciation” to all your “loyal customers” (you mean like customers who put up cash for you hold an use?) you’re giving a $10 coupon.  Let me get this straight…so you held my money interest free for 2 months to help bring this product to market, and now some new customer can place an order and pay $10 less than what I paid?  You have financially penalized me in two ways for being a “LOYAL CUSTOMER.”

I’m SURE you’re getting tons of other inquiries and I’m sure you’re not enjoying the fact that your product is not out when you wanted it to be.  I and everyone else understands that “shit happens,” but if you want us to be understanding of that, then you need to keep us in the loop.  You’ve already set yourself up for failure by making explicit promises that aren’t even “likely” given that the design and manufacturing are still be refined.  Then you make sure you’re going to fail by actually taking all of our money, Not just a little bit….THE WHOLE FUCKIN BEEFALO.  Why wouldn’t we trust that you’re going to deliver our merchandise on time?  Besides…it’s based off an existing product so how hard can it be?  Well as your youtube video shows, making any consumer device is hard and requires many iterations and improvements.  But I’m not going to apologize for holding your feet to the fire.  You created these expectations by acting like the release was already a done deal and by hiding the fact that it was faaaar from it.

I want my two n-controllers.  I 1) PAID FOR THEM   2) WAITED   3) DEALT WITH YOUR UNHELPFUL ASS.  I also didn’t want to feel like my trust and loyalty as a customer was being abused and then actually punished in comparison to other customers.  But I guess we can’t have it all… so right now I’ll settle for getting my merchandise and hopefully never having to deal with you again.  I’ve spent enough time writing this email which I hope you gain some insight from.  If you actually do want to screw me over by not fulfilling my order, then I assure you be hearing more from me or people representing me.

You show a surprising lack of business polish for someone who’s quite established, AND an lack of awareness of your customer base: Hardcore gamers.  We’re a demanding, vocal customer but the flip side is we’re loyal and eager to spend.  It’s lucky for you that I really want this product because it seems really deliver on making the gaming experience more effective and enjoyable.  Hell, I want to combine the avenger-controller with the xtend play to make the ugliest, most comfortable, most awesome controller ever.  And I’ll still buy the xtend, so let that be a testament to your products, the rise above your poor representation.

-DAVE with a V

p.s. You look really douchy be having one youtube video complaining about the noise of traffic next to your home and then another video showing off your obnoxiously loud rice rocket (which is nice, I gotta hand it ya).

p.p.s. Welcome to the internet, bitch.  That’s how I roll.

Now granted, Dave with a V went a bit overboard with his reply. Paul Cristoforo was not handling things well and Dave was understandably concerned and lost it. What is amazing is how Paul, representing Ocean Marketing and the Avenger controller, responded:

From: Ocean Marketing
To: Dave
Dec 26, 2011 2:19 PM

LOL Thanks for the Free PR I know the Editor N Chief of Kotaku , IGN , Engadget I’ll be meeting them at CES .The noise complaint was for people high up on the food chain in a corporate world of real estate you have no clue about.  Thanks for the Rice Rocket Compliment too love me some motorcycle . Send that over to Engadget you look like a complete moron swearing and sending your customer service complaints to a magazine as if they will post it or even pay attention do you think you’re the first or the last what are they going to do demand us to tell you were your shipment is or ask for a refund on your behalf … Really … Welcome to the Internet ? Son Im 38 I wwebsite as on the internet when you were a sperm in your daddys balls and before it was the internet, thanks for the welcome to message wurd up.  Grow up you look like a complete child bro. I Don’t have my controller so im gonna cry to the world … Really ?? Hey take that free time and do something more productive. All you had to do was check the like everyone else , people have inquired but you’re the douchiest of them all J

To all our pre-order customers looking for information on the status of their orders after a busy couple of months The PS3 Avengers are on their way from our Manufacturing plant overseas. We are aware that everyone is anticipating having their Avengers under their Christmas Tree and were doing our best to get these orders shipped out as fast as possible. We appreciate you as loyal customers and for supporting our company. Customers will start receiving their products this week before Christmas and After Christmas and into the New Year. As a token of our appreciation we are offering all our pre-order customers and new customers 10$ off your next order with us just enter Avenger1001 at Checkout. Thank you and Happy Holidays!

Oh and FYI When a street date gets pushed by a publisher on a video game you pre ordered do you cry to them too ?

You just got told bitch … welcome to the real internet check kotaku in 2 weeks when they are reviewing free PS3 Avengers we send them as well as G4 and all the other majors hell yeah , don’t forget to check Amazon, gamestop.com, play n trade , Myers , Frys and a ton of other local stores coming your way you think you speak for billions son your just a kid you speak for yourself no one cares what you think that’s why were growing and moving 20-50 thousand controllers a month. We do value our customers but sometimes we get children like you we just have to put you in the corner with your im stupid hat on. See you at CES , E3 , Pax East ….? Oh wait you have to ask mom and pa dukes your not an industry professional and you have no money on snap you just got told.

Once frustrated, Dave sent this email thread around to several news sites including Penny Arcade, and since Paul bragged about being at PAX East, Mike, one of the guys who runs the site and expo, joined the email chain:

From: Mike Krahulik
To: Dave, Ocean Marketing
Dec 26, 2011 at 8:45 PM

Holy shit this is unbelievable. Dave, if this guy has a booth at Pax east we will cancel it.

From: Dave
To: Mike Krahulik
Dec 26, 2011 at 8:53 PM

Hey thanks Mike.  It’s truly a shame because I think this device is great for gamers with disabilities and problems.  I think of Child’s Play and if anyone’s gonna need greater accessibility when using complicated gamepads…it’s sick kids!  Shit man, I’m really gonna feel bad if I think that sick children may somewhere down the line have fewer avenger controllers because I got into a pissing match with a sad old man.  Please don’t cancel their booth on my account.  As much as I hate this asshole, I still WANT his product and think it should be out there.  GAH, I wish I was in a position to make a competing product to really stick it to guy.

From: Ocean Marketing
To: Mike Krahulik
Dec 26, 2011 at 8:54 PM

Hey Mikey,

We’re not renting a booth at pax east this year , bigger and better shows to be at we got nothing from the show . Oh so you know this guy has sold over 500 thousand dollars of product in Dec and is my main distribution arm landing us in GameStop , fry’s , Myers , Best buy , Activision , MLG , play N trade and a lot more . Were in 6 countries and you’re not going to take my money for a booth that’s a crock I can guarantee I’ll get a booth if I want one money buys a lot and connections go even further.  He’s a native Bostonian from Little Italy . Who are you again ?

From: Mike Krahulik
To: Ocean Marketing
Dec 26, 2011 at 9:08 PM

I am mike krahulik, Pax is my show. Feel free to google me=) I can promise you that you will never have space at any future Pax event.

From: Ocean Marketing
To: Mike Krahulik
Dec 26, 2011 at 9:33 PM

OK Mike whatever you say lol , are you sure hour not in Boston I spoke to the person who ran the show in Boston last year. If you let some little kid influence you over a pre order then we don’t want to be a your show ,Ill be on the floor anyway so come find me , I’m born and raised in Boston I know the people who run the city inside and out watch the way you talk to people you never know who they know it’s a small industry and everyone knows everyone. Your acting like a douchbag not that it matters pax east pax west , e3 , CES , Gamer Con , SSXW ,Comic Con, Germany I’m all over the place. If we want to be there we will be there with industry badges or with a booth you think I can’t team up with turtle beach , Callibur or Koy Christmas , I can’t get Kevin Kelly to pull some strings or G4 , Paul Eibler Ex CEO of take 2 ,  Rich Larocco Konami , Cliff Blizinski Epic who were working with on a gears version , Activision who were working with on a MW3 and Spider man Bundle , The Convention Center Owners themselves , Mayor of Boston come on Bud you run a show that’s all you do and lease a center in Cities you have no pull in its all about who you know not what you do.  I’ll see space where ever I want , with who I want when I want and where I want so many ways around you and so many connections in this industry its silly. Anyway , I have no issue with you Sean Buckley Engadget, Scott Lowe IGN and the list goes on and on. Little kids unhappy with a PRE ORDER starting trouble and you email that to us , he’s a customer unless you’re his boyfriend then you should side with the company not the customer. Be Careful

It’s important to note that all the name dropping Paul Cristoforo of Ocean Marketing is doing is subterfuge. He is attempting to bully his recipients by pretending to know the mayor, or video game industry employees, or whatever. And the funny thing is, because he is lying out of his ass, he probably assumes everyone else is using his tough guy act and lying as well. Except he just picks fights with people without checking.

From: Mike Krahulik
To: Ocean Marketing
Dec 26, 2011 at 9:40 PM

I do run Pax, but I also run a website called penny arcade. It’s kinda popular.

From: Ocean Marketing
To: Mike Krahulik
Dec 26, 2011 at 9:41 PM

Love penny Arcade !!

From: Mike Krahulik
To: Ocean Marketing
Dec 26, 2011 at 9:42 PM

I’m glad you like it! You will be on it tomorrow:)

From: Ocean Marketing
To: Mike Krahulik
Dec 26, 2011 at 9:46 PM

Great !! Love PR

And then, possibly upon reconsidering:

From: Ocean Marketing
To: Mike Krahulik
Dec 26, 2011 at 9:46 PM

Mike I’m not trying to fight with you I’m really not , you should give me the benefit of the doubt before judging over one person’s bitching . Did I feed into his emails a little bit too much yeah ok . But it’s one person dude for real. No disrespect intended for you , My name is good in this industry and I know a lot of people. I’ll be at CES are you going ?

From: Mike Krahulik
To: Ocean Marketing
Dec 26, 2011 at 9:47 PM

Please remove me from this mailing list

From: Ocean Marketing
To: Mike Krahulik
Dec 26, 2011 at 9:57 PM

Your spamming me you’re not on a mailing list you idiot ! You sent me an email remember . Make sure you stir up a lot of controversy about us the more the better we needed some drama gets good blood flow going about the new product launch .  Your sites amateur at best my son could put together a better site than yours and you run PAX ?? Wow , Ill put my marketing team on a smear campaign of you and your site and your emails , I have about 125 dedicated people to run PR , Blogs , Articles , Videos you have no clue who I am . Thanks again

At this point the entire email chain is posted on Penny Arcade and shit begins to hit the fan. Other news sites cover the story and the collective internet begins making fun of Paul Cristoforo. Here’s a great example and summation of events so far:

 

It is around this point that Paul Cristoforo calls mercy:

From: Ocean Marketing
To: Mike Krahulik
Dec 27, 2011 at 7:12 AM

You have the power Mike Please make it stop

And then, about an hour later, an ‘apology’:

From: Ocean Marketing
To: Mike Krahulik
Dec 27, 2011 at 8:15 AM

Hey Mike,
I just wanted to apologize for the way our emails progressed I didn’t know how big your site was and I really didn’t believe you ran Pax , So for what’s its worth I am very sorry. Your post has obviously made my life very difficult and I have not slept yet dealing with all the spam and personal information intrusion as well as my family being smeared on the internet.
If you can please accept my apology and anything you can do to help if not me my son and wife please do. I have apologized to Dave and apologized to you what else can I do please tell me so I can make things good. I obviously care or I would not be emailing you.

Needless to say, it was too late. The internet can not be put back on its leash. Ocean Marketing was more or less dissolved or something, not sure, but they no longer represent the Avenger controller. This poor guy has been berated all Christmas and probably lost multiple clients and screwed up his reputation but he still didn’t learn.

He tried to extort a cushy contract from Avenger after the fallout by holding their digital property (like their Twitter account and email addresses) for ransom until that exploded into even more internet stories until he relented. The whole thing is just great comedy.

Not sure what is next in the Paul Cristoforo saga, but much like Jack Thompson (the crazy anti-video game lawyer) it is likely that gamer sites will continue running trivial news about him until some other shmuck comes along.

Freaks and Geeks

This is admittedly a very old tv show but why not touch on what some consider a cult classic? After all, it is one of Judd Apatow’s notable babies after early work on The Ben Stiller Show and The Larry Sanders Show. It features probably James Franco’s best known appearance before Spiderman as Hobgoblin and perhaps more impressively is the acting debut of comedy giant Seth Rogen. I never really watched the series when it aired, probably in part due to my aversion to self deprecating geek titles, but I recently got to watch all of the first and only season.

The title sequence starts with Joan Jett’s Bad Reputation, a punk theme song about people not caring about their reputation. Then the entire show (sans one episode) has nothing to do with punk culture and follows a couple groups of teenagers who care about nothing more than their reputations. It does well to ground the 1980 period but has little relation with the bands like The Who and Led Zeppelin that the main characters listen to. To be fair, the angst of the song certainly carries into the show and matches with the famous pilot episode line, “Man, I hate high school.”

The series follows two groups of kids a few years apart: the ‘freaks’ who are the bad kids who don’t care about school and smoke pot and the ‘geeks’ who are the kids who are so nerdy that they don’t know how to be normal and talk to girls and get beat up a lot. One thing Freaks and Geeks should be commended on is the semi realistic portrayal of these archetypes. Sure the stereotypes are cheesy and overdone, but at least these aren’t your normal Hollywood movie geeks who are dudes that work out but wear glasses. No, these kids are truly *asking* to get beat up, and the older kids who skip school are real losers most normal people wouldn’t want to hang out with.

Still, the things the series does right isn’t enough to overcome the faults. The 1980’s setting is a cool touch and I get the sense that Apatow is likely drawing from his experiences as a kid but I think there’s a reason this show got cancelled. The storylines were obvious, the characters were unlikable fuckups and posers, and the entire premise was a lie. I found it extremely hard to relate to these characters and it’s very possible mainstream audiences felt the same way.