Category: Web

whyihateeverything.co.uk

Really guys? Why I Hate Everything dot co dot U.K.? Who do you think you’re fooling?

Let’s just get something out of the way.

Domain Name: WHYIHATEEVERYTHING.COM
Created on: 15-May-08

Domain name: whyihateeverything.co.uk
Registered on: 06-Feb-2009

So apparently this Kevin Sanders guy really wants to unoriginally hate on stuff. The hate part I get – it’s not like I’m breaking new ground in cynicism. But there’s one thing I’m pretty sure he didn’t hate, and that’s my juicy web domain. EAT THAT KEVIN SANDERS! Everyone knows a .net domain is 2nd place but he’s not even trying with this one.

So now I officially have an arch nemesis. (Well, either that or a sidekick, but that’s more gay than I’d prefer this relationship to be). So let’s get to know our new friend Kevin Sanders a bit better.

“I’m the one that came up with the concept of this website, if you can call the idea of moaning, whining and bitching a new and original concept. It’s not. In essence, I guess I’m just the guy who coughs up money to air his grievances on a website that very few people will ever read.”

So far we are on the same page Kevin Sanders. No one reads this shit. But I’d be damned if it isn’t hella fun to vent. The problem with ranting, though, is that it’s easy to sound like a 12 year old when you’re doing it. Case in point:

“Now, let me clarify something for the whiny bitches that will inevitably cry themselves to sleep.…”

Or how about his sign off?

I have been Kevin. You have been annoying.

Yup, 12 is about right.

But let’s not trash Kevin Sanders too much. I am sure there are a great many things we can agree on such as the value of Facebook, the pointlessness of etiquette, that I have a better web domain. I certainly wouldn’t want to get in the way of his THREE POSTS in almost as many years.

Live and let live, they say.

Sent from my iPhone

Is there a more aggravating email signature around?

If you are sending emails out with default sigs like this then you might as well just have it write one of these things instead:

1) “I am not computer literate.”
2) “I am an Apple fanboy.”
3) “I am a gigantic tool.”

I just bought a new Samsung Infuse and my gmail sig was conveniently set up for me:

Sent from my Samsung smartphone on AT&T

Thanks for hooking me up with that guys! I’ll be sure not to immediately erase that.

Everybody should do themselves a favor and just be less accepting of marketing like this. It helps to be cynical too. Really I thought this was as ridiculous as it was going to get, until I got an email the other day from a coworker:

Hey guys!

Blah blah blah.

(Sent from Flipboard)
Sent from my iPad

So far we’ve managed to squeeze in the device, the current program that sent the email, and even the wireless carrier. What’s next, sponsorships?

Facebook Games

Do I want to join your mafia? Well, is it fun? Did I just find a lonely sheep? What can I do with that? For the last couple of years the newest phenomena in the game industry are ‘social games’. For those that don’t keep up with all the cute game category names, this just means ‘games you can play on Facebook’ (because certainly many other games are social).

These games have long held my contempt for many reasons. Here at Why I Hate Everything, what I find particularly egregious is when something less than ordinary is hailed as holier than thou. Do you remember the big push for mobile gaming years ago when cell phones first started being built with semi-decent processors? There was actually a Ratchet & Clank game that you could play on your Motorola as long as you didn’t mind 5 frames a second and only being able to push one button at a time. Next we had the great iPhone game boom and the industry was turned upside down because a few people early to market made some money. I personally know several developers who have tried to capitalize on the empty promises of the faux market known as the App Store. And now everybody is making a Facebook game. It is the new fad, and why should its fate be any better?

Unfortunately, people tend to be reactionary because it tends to be more exciting. When I attended the latest Game Developers Conference I was sickened to see how much emphasis was put on Facebook games and their poster-company Zynga was making ridiculous proclamations from on high. The idea presented was that social games are forever changing the industry landscape, that free-to-play is king, and that AAA console gaming as we know it is dying. This is right after a banner year when Modern Warfare 2 was crowned as having the most profitable entertainment product launch of all time. Seriously, I know you guys entered the market early, Zynga, and I know you’ve had unheard of success, but why feel the need to jaw about being better than everybody else? Ride the wave while you can, guys.

I played Mafia Wars for literally 25 seconds when it first came out. I concluded that it wasn’t a game and it certainly wasn’t fun. Of course, that didn’t stop it and Farmville from making bucketloads of cash. To me, a game like this is really more of a short-term scam. Its profit is driven from psychological tricks with money the ultimate goal that informs the design. Just google Zynga business practices and you will read a lot of unflattering stuff. It is self-admittedly less about fun and more about profit. The problem is, these ‘games’ are pretty much spam. People have already started to grow wary of the viral tactic of using invites to get more users. Facebook allows blocking notifications from apps because the majority of users already realize that it’s not fun to wade through advertisements to see status updates of their friends. Millions of users per month are being shed as developers like Zynga are scrambling to find more legitimate ways to harass people into playing their products.

Don’t get me wrong – I am not bad mouthing all games that can be played on Facebook. There are plenty of casual audiences that appreciate what is out there but there are also plenty of companies that care about nothing other than ‘motivating’ these players to part with their money to account for bad, in fact under-handed, game design. And there will be a smile on my face when the mighty fall. Now, I am not naive enough to believe that these games will go away forever. To me it is similar to being a telemarketer- people can make a living doing anything if they have no self-respect and some people will always look to money as their primary motivating factor. Just another way to make a quick buck. But the writing is on the wall. Game companies like EA, Activision, and Ubisoft have all made announcements of entering the social network arena. As better social games get created people will be less susceptible to the tactics of old. For now and for the short term people will still be paying money for non-fun experiences without realizing that anything better is out there but eventually competition will drive up the product quality and the cheap knock-offs will be left in the dust.

It is why Zynga needs to start making better games. And it is why they are spending a lot of their cash buying small developers around the United States and the world. Because they do not know how to make good games. Because they’ve never yet tried.

Rule 34

Rule 34Everyone knows what Rule 34 is. Even if you don’t know it by its formal name, you are familiar with the concept. And as much as you wish it wasn’t true, it is. There’s no denying Rule 34.

If it exists, there’s porn of it.

Consider this post I stumbled upon, courtesy of an inevitable future entry in Why I Hate Everything – Yahoo! Answers.

Yahoo! Answers Rule 34

Following that included link predictably led me to places I can’t unremember. (Man, ‘unremember’ should really be a word. Much more dramatic than ‘forget’). Here is probably the most tame example I could find.

Courtney Gears

It just fascinates me that there is a community of people who get off on this stuff. And all the pictures have comments.

Anonymous5: WTB: MOAR COURTNEY GEARS 5INTERNETS

The fact that this is the least offensive offering I could find is not the only difference between the others. For one, this is actually a decent quality drawing. But what surprised me the most is that the vast majority of the Ratchet pictures were gay. Either the little guy going at it solo (so the audience would be gay) or him with one or two other furry dudes getting it on.

I leave you with the top half of a notable picture and a couple comments underneath that i found funny.

Hetero?

Anonymous1: HETERO Ratchet porn? Now i’ve seen everything

Shad-0: Anon1: sorry, but ORIGINAL CHARACTER is actually a dude… his name is hector, the one who made this…

sorry

Comment Spam

Spam on the internet is a funny thing. It is brute-force marketing combined with con artist trickery designed for the sole purpose of getting a click-through. Sometimes the whole thing is a scam to try and get your money. Other times there is a computer virus in wait for you to open a security hole. And like it or not, in some cases it is just a low-budget (and sleazy) way for actual companies with actual products to get to you. The sad part is, if it wasn’t for the fact that spam messages are so numerous and annoying, they can actually be quite amusing.

What started out as simple email has gotten much more sophisticated. Email addresses get spidered off websites. Pop-up ads multiply. New MySpace friend requests turn out to just be porn in disguise. Forums get bombarded with fake posts. And yes, ladies and gentlemen, even blogs and web pages that accept user input can fall victim to spam. If you ever wonder why I require registration or approval to comment on this site (for the 3 people reading) then let me give you a basic example.

Comment: BUY VIAGGRA FOR DICK LONG!! LADIES SAY YES!!

Cute. But let’s face it people, no matter how much we may all want dick long, we’re pretty desensitized to this type of spam. What is a poor peddler of unsolicited junk to do? Well, first off, the poor English skills need to start getting fixed. But digging deeper into the spammer’s bag of tricks, one sees the need to blend in.

Comment: Thanks for the interesting information.

From: BUY VIAGRA NOW!!!

Ha ha! Well, it’s great to see them give it a try, anyway. What I absolutely love are the times the select few go the extra mile and give 110%, and other work-ethic metaphors. This is what a kind reader posted about my Barbeque Pizza observations.

Comment: Hi, Congratulations to the site owner for this marvelous work you’ve done. It has lots of useful and interesting data.

From: <insert spam link here>

Priceless.

Susan Boyle

Susan Boyle received newfound fame when she appeared on Britain’s got Talent, but the crap tv show is not what I hate. Some things are not even worth knowing enough about in order to properly hate them. I didn’t even know this show existed. Consequently, what I blame is the internet for shoving this trash in my face.

Yahoo! devoted no less than 4 full days of front page banners to Susan Boyle coverage. “Oh wow! Look at this internet sensation! An ugly person actually knows how to sing! The fact that somebody SO ugly can sing SO good is a heartwarming success story!” Really guys, just drop it.

Nothing is as transparent as marketers saying what they are pushing is in high demand. I would say this whole fiasco is insulting to the woman but she is playing a part as a character on tv for the publicity. Does a clown necessarily have less dignity than any other entertainer? Well actually, now that I think about it… Yes.