Bromosexuals

“Look man, we’re both dudes. I don’t want to hear about how you think I’m cool to hang out with or that you like my hair. Let’s not dwell on the little things and just hang out.”

Everyone knows the type of guy I wish I could say this to. I’m talking about the dude who wants to hang out with you just a bit too much for it to be considered normal. Through actions or comments you get the clear impression that someone has a man-crush on you. Next thing you know, you find yourself in awkward moments of harmless adoration. And it really should be considered a compliment. But guys aren’t chicks. The fact that we hang out is all the approval we need.

The other day a guy I was drinking with actually mentioned that I had a nice waistline, guessed the size, and then said he wished he was as lucky. That was about all the bromance I could handle for the night. Seriously, how was I supposed to respond to that?

And there are worse cases out there. I meet a guy from work out at bars once in a while and he works out and has a pretty stout physique. One time I was standing by the bar with him when a guy walked by on his way out and said, “Wow, what do you feed these things?” and grabbed his pecs!!! Where the hell did that come from? I wasn’t even involved in the incident and I was uncomfortable. My buddy tells me that type of thing happens all the time and I have personally witnessed as much on two other occasions to back up that claim.

Not cool, brother. You’re not being friendly, you’re being creepy. You’re not being funny, you’re being sad. And you are definitely behaving outside the acceptable norms.

So whether this is a call for all you bromosexuals to stop the madness, or simply just calling you out, please find a way to temper your affection or you might find yourself on the wrong end of a break up.

“Really, it’s not you, it’s me. No, no. Wait. It’s you.”